Classy. Kind. Caring. Smart. Funny. Spiritual. Generous. Wise. Strong. And, to the end, as Jude's dad, Jim, said yesterday - Scrappy. Man, was she scrappy.
Jude and I had struggled with what to tell J.P. and Joe about Great and how she was doing. Reluctantly, we decided we didn't want J.P. worrying about her every day and night, which would have been the case if we told him she was in hospice care. Instead, we told him she was in the hospital. The right decision? I hope so.
The first or second night she was admitted to hospice care, Great and Jim called us at home. She talked to each of the boys, who were completely oblivious to the fact that it might be the last time they would talk to her. Jude and I fought back tears as J.P. paced around the living room, carrying the cellular telephone with him, describing in detail for Great his day at Zoo Camp. She listened patiently and asked questions, as she always does, or did. My heart broke a little bit toward the end of the call, when she told the boys "to always be good boys" and that she loved them. She was telling them goodbye.
Fortunately, Jude and J.P. were able to stop by and see Great before we left for the beach. That was a relief to Jude, I know, and something I think J.P. will appreciate as he gets older. Last night, on the way home from work, Jude stopped by to see Great. I think God had a hand in that, as we later learned Great died about 15 minutes after Jude left.
Last night, at bedtime, Jude told the boys Great had died. J.P. took it really hard, as we knew he would. He yelled "what!?!" with a confused look on his face, then dissolved into tears as Jude hugged him. There's no blueprint for helping your child through the death of someone he loves, especially the first time it happens. We tried to comfort him as best we could and let him know that it's okay to be sad. We also let him know that if he had questions or wanted to talk about it, we are here for him. He tends to internalize things, but I hope he will open up to us about Great's death in the coming days and weeks.
When J.P. was born, I kidded Great and told her I had arranged for nicknames for all of the ladies on Jude's side of the family. Jane (Jude's mother) would be "Big Momma" and Rita (who was called Grandmother up to that point) would be called "Great Big Momma." I kept up with that for a bit, until finally, Great looked at me somewhat sternly and said, you will not teach J.P. to call me "Great Big Momma." Message received and soon thereafter, the nickname "Great" was born, which she seemed to enjoy.
As a father, part of what I loved the most about Great was watching her interact with J.P. and Joe. There was no invisible wall of reserve or decorum between them, as there sometimes is between grandparents and grandchildren. From day one, she hugged them, kissed them and doted on them. And they loved her with all of their little, growing hearts. It was a joy to see.
On a personal note, Great accepted me into the family without reservation, from the first time I met her at her house in Bellevue on Easter weekend 17 or 18 years ago. I'll never forget that, because I think in some ways she set and example for others to follows. Over the years, we kidded each other and I grew to love our interactions, as she quickly responded to something I said in jest, with an ever present twinkle in her eye and a sly smile on her face.
As I told J.P. last night, if ever there was a life well lived - a full life - it was Great's life. She raised five amazing children, served as a role model to grandchildren (and their spouses) and great grandchildren and in her quiet way, I think, reminded all of us of the importance of family.
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